Spiralling
I haven't been feeling like myself for the past day, so I'm taking the
time to type out my thoughts on this blog. I used to do this often on my
old blogger site, but didn't continue once I had that perfectionist
streak in me. Starting something new frees you of any expectations of
living up to your legacy, or something. That's probably why I feel more
relaxed writing here than anywhere else at the moment. On social media
you're always expected to perform a certain level of polish as well as
become #relatable yet #genuine. I hated drafting posts and thinking
about how others might percieve it. I hate having to know the "optimal
times" to post something. I hate jumping through hoops and trying out
reels for engagement. I want to break free of these constraints. I want
to be myself in a way that isn't affected by all of the potential eyes
on me
For real though, that's this about? I think I've been dissociating
somewhat and spending more time in the dumps. I've been candid about
this but I'm not exactly the most neurotypical person out there. I have
a handful of comorbidities that sometimes makes it hard for me to
function. If I didn't have the support network I have right now I
would've long been a goner. Sometimes certain triggers develop or sneak
up on me. Reading about it sends me into a crisis and all I want to do
is lie down and rot. I'm glad I have the connections to cope without
falling into a deep depression.
I have some things to do; I'll need to do inventory and get ready to
set up shop for my jewelry brand. Have I mentioned I make beaded
jewelry? It's one of my most recent crafting endeavors and I've been
enjoying it a lot. I gotta make space for new works somehow and fund
that hobby so selling it is. I don't have that entrepreneurial dog in
me, unfortunately. My old school tried "fostering" the grindset in
students but that went nowhere for me. I love having fun, drawing and
playing and being whimsical, to me detriment. I'll need to think about
the logistics of selling while my friends help me out along the way
I'm set to booth at comifuro 20 this may, and it's going to be my
first time boothing at any con as a seller! I want to check it off my
bucket list and try out new things, besides, that's what being in your
20s ought to encompass. I've been pretty directionless after finising
my undergrad. General malaise and melancholy, all that stuff. I think I
needed some time off, and to do some soul-searching. I don't know how
that's going but... It's going alright
That's a lot of text, again. I just needed to write something
incoherent to pick myself up and focus on something other than
doomscrolling. I think I need to reduce my screen time (neocities
doesn't count! i love browsing websites). The social media algorithm
has me in a chokehold and I want to be free of it. I'll be playing my
backlog of games on itchio I got from charity bundles and hope not to
succumb for too long. Cheers
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